I am sitting at work yet again. Why am I not a blogger or a writer? I have WAY too many thoughts, yo.
I’ve been using the word “dude” a lot lately, it’s like as if I’ve time traveled to my 17 year old self again.
I finally got over myself since yesterday. I was feeling super crummy straight out of 10. Want to know the worst thing to experience on YOUR birthday….PMS.
It ‘s a down-right tragic. Not really. I’m trying to sound like I’m a savvy slice of charm.
It wasn’t THAT tragic but it was just a down-right downer!! You hear me?
My supervisor asked me to share my calendar with her via outlook, that’s super tech.
So back to me getting over myself. (There’s some commotion out in the hallway and the laughter fills my heart and ears with joy!!)
Someone bought a coke.
I was really in my feels yesterday and just sick of the world and my friends in it.
I was just really thinking of Asheville, NC and how zen, green and yoga it is.
I had such epic bedhead today and I made it even sloppier and sprayed it. I look GOOD.
Speaking of knowing things, I do know my worth. I know how WORTHY I truly am. I also know the type of person I am, which is: HIGHLY emotionally intelligent, I possess an unusual high amount of thoughtfulness (I say this because it really throws people off of their rocking horse). I know I am not narcissistic. I know that I STRIVE every day to be MORE kind, more patient, MORE enthusiastic, more empowering, more inspiring, MORE of everything. I do know I am VERY hard on myself. I need to CUT IT OUT, Joey!
I get tired of hearing from those who really care about me that I am “so thoughtful and so caring and so sweet, and that I touch the hearts of those around me….”and etc., I am tired of hearing all of these kind-hearted comments about myself/my personality because these are things that I already know and things that I was born with, it’s the same to me as if someone came up to me and said, “Wow, Sydni, you were born with 2 eyes and a brain, how glamorous”…I KNOW THIS ABOUT ME. I live it. I breathe it. I manifest it. I share it. And it blows people away.
I know people like Ms.O, Steph, Tina oxford comma and Walton love me and genuinely mean all of these good things about myself,
but that’s just IT
I DON’T WANT TO BE JUST NOTICED FOR ALL OF THESE THINGS. I know just HOW good of a person I am and I am so grateful that my sprit guide and universe have helped me COME SO FAR and to this point in my life. but I want more from life.
It saddens me because people shouldn’t be surprised by my niceness and my authentic genuine and trustworthy thoughtful self. It saddens me to the core because it amazes me that people are shocked by these traits and deem them as “Uncommon”…I know I’m kind of an exception because my traits are VERY uncommon in most people especially of those around MY AGE! People are living their lives thinking that they are treated the way they deserve….and that’s not always so good because their perceptions of themselves and everyone else is WRONG. ALL earthlings and non-earthlings need to be treated with deep-rooted respect and utmost love, no harm done unto others, be it physical, psychological, no harm ever. It leaves me feeling dumbfounded that people are amazed by my good qualities. I am in self-love mode right now, do not mistake it for anything else; don’t get it twisted.
Another issue since it’s 11:30AM on the rise to High Noon,
I know that we live in a world where it’s a “ME ME ME” narrative. I get it, I totally get it. We need to love ourselves and put ourselves first and no one comes first before me…I’ve got to look out for me because I’m all I’ve got at the end of the day, blah blah blah zebrashit. …
…YES, you MUST love yourself FIRST but you can ALSO love others AT THE SAME TIME ALL THE TIME. WHOA!!!! !@#!@#@@$@#%^#^ GNARLY!
We don’t have to live in a world where it’s a one woman/man out for themselves kind of life. We are here to support and empower each other, not tear each other down and judge. We do need to take good care of ourselves but another way to help yourself and take good care of yourself is to take good care of those around you and those who are strange(rs). Smile more and ask if you can do something for someone, more.
I sometimes feel like my friends get wrapped up in their own good times/fantasies/self-care/their way to the top/their own career/their own tiny world that they truly miss out on the ones who really want to be with them and may actually need their attention and genuine affection.
I get it, people get so wrapped up in their own work life, home life, dog life, friend life, family life, and life’s life oxford comma they accidentally forget. They don’t think about it. They don’t mean to, they just allow themselves to get so dang tangled in this web they call “busy life of me”. They forget the simplest way to just be.
I know I am not perfect. I forget. But I make the intention to not. I make the intention to be thoughtful.
It’s all in OUR intention and what truly matters to us. What really excites us to our bones.
Anyway, I have said enough about all of that.
Boy news: I FINALLY figured out why Kathy was trying so exxxtra hard to hangout with me and sugar coat and butter me up…I hung out with Luke on Monday, May 29th, 2017 and he told me that for a straight week he tried to “talk” to Kathy…I am sure some flirting went on but anyway, Kathy finally asked me a little while later how I really felt about Luke and I told her that I had a minor crush on him and whatnot. [[For your information, not that you need it, but I wouldn’t date Luke, it’s just a friend crush, the usual and cliché one that every boy and girl friends develop merely from curiosity]]. ANYWAY, she really was going somewhat the exxxtra mile to “please” me almost. She felt bad. She wanted to reassure me that I am her #1 and that boys would never get in the way of the 18 years of friendship. But in hindsight..it really made sense. I thought she might’ve had a change of heart and just really wanted to hangout with me because of ME for ME..not for HER benefit of SAVING FACE. Cooll Sydni. I really know how to pick ’em.
I want to manifiest and ask for more genuine friends. Also, I am not ungrateful. As I was typing my “Boy news” section, Emily called me and we chatted. She is my co-worker, spunky, co-worker.
I am so happy she’s in my life. I am so glad that the Universe graced me with her existence. And Tina’s and Walton’s 🙂
I guess I just really want to manifest more of a runaround crew that are genuine and want to have a slammin’ good time. Like my current runaround crew. I just get tired of my friend group sometimes and that’s why I WANT friends outside of this current friend group and one that doesn’t INVOVLE KATHY!!!
“Say what you mean and do what you say”-the Danes-we can all learn from them